Ouch

Although the kids held it together at school yesterday, several came home clearing angling for a fight with someone. I defused a dozen situations, placated several others, yet still had to maintain law and order.

One who is my size kept picking on younger kids knowing I'd have to correct his behavior, and in his faulty reasoning, figuring he could then rage because I'd said something innocuous to him such as, "no hitting others."

I sidestepped his every combative attempt but he got me at bedtime. He refused to go to bed so I quietly left him in the hallway where he'd obstinately planted his rear end. I've learned over the years to not react, not let them push my buttons, to hope that my calmness is contagious, to not escalate a volatile situation.

I went outside to move my truck, I'd left it at the doublewide where Fabian had helped unload grass clippings we'd gotten from Chuck. As I went out the garage door I saw him come screaming out the other door, "I hate you! I'm gonna kill your faggoty face!" at Mayra who'd simply tried to reason that one to bed.

Fabian came barreling out the other door and restrained him, just in time, from hitting Mayra. I went to the melee and got kicked in the face. I saw stars, certain my cheekbone was shattered. Big Jose witnessed it all in shock and surprise and went to get some other grown kids, totally unsure as what to do. Remember he has five well-behaved children and is married to someone who's extremely grateful that I adopted her.

I sat there crying.

It took another two hours to calm down the rager, Fabian and Javy by my side, helping me out. My cheekbone is not broken, but I have a cut and a swollen tear duct, likely a bruise and I'm furious.

I'm furious at "professionals" such as CPS who investigated us several times over false allegations when I'm the one who ends up hurt. Deysi, Saray, Marcela and Big Jose were terribly appalled and absolutely dumbstruck. I'm furious when I seek help for severely disturbed children and "professionals" insinuate maybe it's my parenting. "Have you tried consequencing him/her? I'm stupidly asked.

I wanna scream, "Nah, I hadn't thought of that." I want to cuss and rage yet I smile back and explain the situation for the ten thousandth time but it boils down, even to "professionals, "well if you're stupid enough to adopt troubled kids, then this is what you deserve."

NOT Dr. Mandy nor Dr. G. They get it and they address the behaviors and the underlying causes. That's why I stick with them and I've also had success with the folks at our local mental health clinic, but over the years I've had enough "professionals," in my decades long quest, second guess me that I'm just lef bumfuddled at the ignorance and insensitivity.

"Call the police and press charges," my older kids urged me.

This kid is 11 years old, angry and afraid that Fabian will have to leave again, will "desert" him as he perceives as happened before. I can stand back and discern what's really going on but I'm still simply furious at folks who criticize, point fingers and cause problems for me. Just like the kids, I'm misdirecting my own anger.

I NEVER spank, never physically lash out and hurt anyone. NEVER. Fabian was blindly angry that I'd been hurt but he restrained his own emotions amazingly. Everyone did. Verbally though it was another story yet they spoke privately to me, not to the rager who eventually calmly went to bed, his own anger spent while I struggled with my own.

I sat up late with my grown kids, crying an pouring out my frustration and anger. The mother-abuser, although in his defense, he accidentally kicked me in the face, apologized this morning while yet another punk-wannabe refused to go to school.

My cheek is throbbing.