Saturday, September 05, 2009
Moving On With MY Life
I've been thinking about this for a very long time, so incredibly frustrated with the system. I can't be a part of the change, as my heart just isn't in it anymore. I'm so tired of being either mistreated, or misunderstood, by others who have not lived through the Hell I have endured. I'm tired of fighting uphill, pointless battles, pouring myself out, only to be backstabbed or blamed.
I'm out buddy.
My attitude is just not what it should be for me to be part of any adoption processes. I'm not going to work with AAN, I already emailed my 'thank you for having me, but now I need to concentrate on my family' letter, feeling very free at having done so today.
I'm no mail on my email lists regarding adoption, but I do plan to continue writing here and to be reading other adoption blogs.
With my Blackberry, I'm hardly ever on my laptop anymore, that's how I've had so much more time to paint, dig up new ground, and scrub away my proverbial frustrations.
Lily and I just spent the last six hours saving seed from radishes, basil, swiss chard and rudbeckia, now that's my true passion. We hardly touched on her SAE project, as we both became so distracted and involved with seed saving, but we can incorporate that into her final report.
I'm moving on with my life and feeling very good about it.
I'd planted Sweet William last spring, a biennial, likely my favorite flower on earth, and I worked around it today, knowing it won't bloom until next year, it's so worth the wait. I was thinking about my friend, Connie, many years ago when we worked together, who'd get excited about the daffodils blooming in February, and ask me to remind her each fall to remember to plant 'em. Now her daughter, Carmen, is grown and a teacher, reading here at times, a friend on Facebook, and when I think of the years zipping by, I just wanna have time to do what I want also...like farming.
I don't want to be inside the house, making phone calls to adoption workers who don't have any sense of urgency, I don't want to have paperwork to do, or anything that takes my focus off of my family and my dreams of self-sufficiency.
I want more days like today.