I've been thinking about this for a very long time, so incredibly frustrated with the system. I can't be a part of the change, as my heart just isn't in it anymore. I'm so tired of being either mistreated, or misunderstood, by others who have not lived through the Hell I have endured. I'm tired of fighting uphill, pointless battles, pouring myself out, only to be backstabbed or blamed.
I'm out buddy.
My attitude is just not what it should be for me to be part of any adoption processes. I'm not going to work with AAN, I already emailed my 'thank you for having me, but now I need to concentrate on my family' letter, feeling very free at having done so today.
I'm no mail on my email lists regarding adoption, but I do plan to continue writing here and to be reading other adoption blogs.
With my Blackberry, I'm hardly ever on my laptop anymore, that's how I've had so much more time to paint, dig up new ground, and scrub away my proverbial frustrations.
Lily and I just spent the last six hours saving seed from radishes, basil, swiss chard and rudbeckia, now that's my true passion. We hardly touched on her SAE project, as we both became so distracted and involved with seed saving, but we can incorporate that into her final report.
I'm moving on with my life and feeling very good about it.
I'd planted Sweet William last spring, a biennial, likely my favorite flower on earth, and I worked around it today, knowing it won't bloom until next year, it's so worth the wait. I was thinking about my friend, Connie, many years ago when we worked together, who'd get excited about the daffodils blooming in February, and ask me to remind her each fall to remember to plant 'em. Now her daughter, Carmen, is grown and a teacher, reading here at times, a friend on Facebook, and when I think of the years zipping by, I just wanna have time to do what I want also...like farming.
I don't want to be inside the house, making phone calls to adoption workers who don't have any sense of urgency, I don't want to have paperwork to do, or anything that takes my focus off of my family and my dreams of self-sufficiency.
I want more days like today.
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5 comments:
Cindy, I definitely understand what you are saying hre and we haven't even faced as much as you have. Just jerk social workers who after THEY screw up wanna make us look like the bad guys and keep us from adopting period. I know the system needs to change but am just not sure if I have what it takes to be a part of making that happen :(
Sure wish it could be different for everyone involved.
I don't know why, but that post moved me. I wish you many more days like today.
Much love and support,
Chelsea
BC, Canada
Melissa and Chelsea, Your support, the support of strangers, IS important to me, as I assume that so many of us, particularly those who've been reading my blog, well I suppose it seems to be that you get it, you understand, and for that I'm grateful.
Big Amen!! Cindy, did you see Fresh? We saw it (and bought it) the other day-great movie. We have a local market coop here it looks like we will be able to be producers for-I am so excited. Have you thought of expanding your garden and starting or being part of supplying a local CSA?? On a side note, I let one of my older adopted daughters (this particular daughters sibs have put us through our nightmares) read The Unlit Path last week- she was so incensed that adopted children would treat families just trying to help them so horribly. This same daughter however also believes she should never have been removed and I tend to agree- would love to hear your comments regarding a blog post I have written - homesteadblogger.com/amysixpack
Getting ready for fall and winter here and planning next years growing season!! Enjoy your NEW life!!
Cindy I believe that we all get to a point in our lives when we feel that need to move on with our own lives. Maybe it is God's prompting. It it certainly a freeing feeling! I pray the next few years you have to finish raising your kids in the home will be more peaceful and enjoyable.
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