Thursday, October 08, 2009

Being a Girl


Why so many pictures lately of Hazel Basil? Because I'm captivated by her two year old silly self. A mini-me in her tantrums and goofiness.

Mayra sent me to Blockbusters to get a girl movie for them to watch over Fall Break. I'd hollered after her, "I ain't no girl" carefully withholding the exclamation mark that stresses folks out as they read. Think about it. Think about it! See?

I'd stopped my Netflix after just one month when I realized I wasn't very likely to use it. To take two hours out for a movie makes me feel trapped and restless, like I can sit still for that? A book about subsistence farming can hold my attention for hours, but not a movie. At a theater? Yes, but at home, with a thousand other things I'd prefer to do? Maybe when it's cold outside, but not now.

Because we have a DVR, I don't see commercials, I don't read movie reviews, so what the heck was I supposed to get for them? Most of the videos looked wildly inappropriate and all the horror movies were on display for Halloween. Ain't gonna happen on my watch.

Even I don't live totally under a rock, I know who Zac Efron is, so I got them a dumb movie with him in it. They were thrilled. Wow, score one for Big Mama. Now can I fake being a girl?

I gotta slip over to the next county or so and drag my friend Pat back into my blog. "Apparently after we tossed said 18 year old out, he went to the school SW (Whom is a BUSY BODY) and told them he was homeless and we wouldn't let him live here. They apparently called DFCS about us throwing him out. I found this out from a personal friend. Bottom line is the high school SW tried to burn us and this is not the first time. HELLO - School, He is 18 - did you call and ask why he was tossed out? Did you bother to look at his school grades for the past 4 years and wonder why he is 14 credits short? Did you look at his behavior record at school? Did you bother to ask why he went to jail this summer for 5 weeks? Did you know he was belligerent, disrespectful, would not shower, wash his clothes for weeks at a time, or clean his room, and told us he didn’t have to listen to our “s__t” right in front of the other children.? NO, you didn't or you wouldn't have called DFCS on us for tossing him out."

Her entire comment is here. My blood absolutely boiled on her behalf. Is there no limit to the number of indignities we gotta endure?

I'm telling all y'all one thing. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Have it readily available, because a bizarre variation of this will likely happen to you at some point. In our case, thankfully we have therapists and school personnel to back us up, but honestly I dread every calamity as it can potentially trigger an investigation.

Belligerent, troubled children know no limits. Their manipulative abilities make our resulting, shocked honesty all the more suspect. Is that weird, or what?

Sadly it just ends up hurting them, as they lash out at everyone else, poisoning relationships, burning bridges, leaving little way out. There are several grown folks that may never participate in our family events due to the astonishing danger they've presented to us. Danger that cannot ever be retracted. Severe damage that cannot be overcome. Forgiven yes, but to continue participating in the sickness is unacceptable, against the law, and horrifying to contemplate. I'm out.

Hey y'all, drink you a big glass of act right why doncha.

I prefer not to dwell on the negatives, and we sure have some, but to concentrate on the positives, and in spite of Fall Break, football goes on, a game this afternoon in which I happily get to be with Daniel, always a treat for me, I get to watch Chuy play, and of course soccer continues for us later this evening.

Next weekend, most of my children will be away with Pastor Bronson and the church youth group, freeing me up almost totally, tempting me to dart to the beach, but there's truly not enough time for that, hardly 48 hours, but I know I'll find something to do. I've never lacked in that capacity.

The Adoption Counselor wrote about how the growing up of our children frees us, not saddens us at all. A relief, not a loss. Amen, sister.

I cried like a baby when Sarah, and then Daniel, grew up and left home properly. Yolie left angrily, yet I still cried, within months she returned and has stayed glued to my side thankfully. She was a textbook case then of trying to reject me before I rejected her - which I wasn't going to do, but that's how her trauma manifested itself. Fortunately she then quickly processed it all, started college, met her best friend Audrey, who's been a rock for our family, now a supervisor of foster care in a nearby county. Things have a way of working themselves out.

And tragically, sadly, Sharon, the creator of The Foundation for Large Families, Mega Mom, lost her sweet son, Stephen, yesterday. I am so sorry for this family's loss. An obvious Bigmouth I am, I have no words...

2 comments:

Becky said...

DFCS needs to look at their role as a co-parent of the child, not a monitor of the parents, and as a co-parent of the child it is in the child's best interest for limits to be set. Isn't that what they expect of adoptive and foster parents?

When the co-parent in a divorce situation enables the kids, all efforts of the other parent are 100 times harder. I know this from personal experience with my step children and their mother. Their dad tries to teach a lesson and their mom rescues them and gets to be the "hero". I can't imagine what the challenge must be when the co-parent is a convoluted bureaucracy fraught with troubles and involving many people.

Pat M said...

Becky it is down right frightening. We have already undergone one DFCS investigation which almost killed my dear sweet husband (he landed in the hospital 4 months after we were given our letter saying no evidence, etc, etc) and his stomach is "forever" not right due to this stress. He will have gastritis for the rest of his life and have to take medications. Who pays for our medications and need for therapy. We do!