Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Explain These Behaviors To Me


Blame the gloomy weather? Who knows? It's been Nutup City around here lately, Tony being the most recent culprit. Making Nando cry from an overdose of aggravation, all Tony's behavior infractions at school stem from the same source: muttering, inappropriate comments, disrespect and classroom disruption. Are there just some children who are born genetically incapable forever?

How will they ever hold a job? Pay bills? Abide by simple laws when oppositional defiance is in full sway? Re-direction only fuels their amped up levels, consequences are arbitrarily irrelevant, and the inner satisfaction that negative behavior results in, seemingly thrills them yet later they complain that no one likes them. A 'ya think?' moment once again. Door slamming, screaming fits and crying jags follow predictably.

"Well if you were nice to people. they'd be nice to you," I lamely explain, only to realize, well heck I'm nice to all these kids and they're mean as snakes back to me, further compounding my needs to become a hermit someday, a hairy-legged, self-sufficient farmer who slinks around unnoticed and unbothered by folks with issues.

Hmmm.

CW, Lily and Jack, bonded and secure, are very nice to me. Sabrina, Scotty, Tabby and Nando are fairly easy overall because they have no mental health diagnoses, Chuy's precious, Allen's trying to be so, but oh honey, the others do their best to counteract the decency that I so prefer and enjoy.

Word has come back to me that a grown child of mine is in jail in another neighboring state. I believe it, as I've heard nothing from that person lately, when I ask other grown siblings, I'm stonewalled by them. Why would it matter if I knew? They're grown, the consequences are theirs to work through.

Tony had dismantled his bedroom last night, angry because I'd sent him to his room for bothering Nando. He removed a ton of hung-up shirts, depositing them in another kid's closet for no known reason, put an entire Nintendo system and all the yard sale games we owned in another person's room, took down the camouflage curtains he'd recently hung, and pretty much emptied it...mainly to aggravate me, but I said nothing about it, knowing that'd only fuel his out-of-control flames on the inside.

After I'd done ten loads of laundry, folding, hanging shirts and sorting stuff, Chuy came home from football practice needing his jersey washed for tomorrow's pep rally. I complied, that's my job, while Tony worked on creating a mess for me to undo. I cannot begin to imagine what his grown up life will be like, if he doesn't begin to work on these anti-social, negative behaviors.

It's ridiculous, comical even, and all the other kids in the house just step around it, and he receives no visible positive satisfaction.

Soccer games were cancelled due to storms, here at the end of the season, playoffs looming, and I just puttered around, thinking about things that bring me joy, all garden related, plus the several very decent, interesting children who live here with me. Lily kept me company as I cooked, telling me every single detail about her seventh grade classroom yesterday, and Scotty volunteered to sweep after supper, putting all the chairs up on the tables, cafeteria style.

By 8:30, my house was quiet, except for the sounds of Tony acting oddly, alone in his bedroom, slamming what was left in there after his destruction process. I'm headed to Dr. Mandy's office with a child for counseling this morning, maybe Mandy can explain these behaviors to me.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Please share....I spent an hour at the school yesterday to discuss the exact same topics. It was a waste. The child has no conscience whatsoever. I left with chestpains. He'll be home momentarily. The others are naughty too, but mostly motivated by low brain desires. Child in question says that he does evil and bad because he enjoys it. Wow, I believe that was an honest comment!! Do let us know what the Dr. said. Thanks.
Bless you,
J

MamaKate said...

girl, holidays are coming.