A fun day with Goofy and Goofier, as Sarah referred to them today, they posses a great deal of personality, over flowing at times.
Jonathan had had a dark moment, a meltdown, he'd smacked Sabrina who was smart enough to not retaliate, we worked through it with his counselor who arrived soon after, but the clouds had passed, and he'd apologized by then.
Jack's running a fever, crashed on the sofa wth a flushed face and dry lips. Lily, Chuy and most of the rest have shaken it off finally.
Holiday Hell is rearing its ugly little head, the dread combining with past memories of a great deal of sadness from their pasts, I'm downplaying everything.
I'm just so out of patience with year after year of so little progress, some older kids are distressing me terribly with their ridiculous thoughts and attitudes, crappy criminalism, best if I keep my distance, and my opinions to myself, let them learn their own way about employment, bill paying and relationships.
They think I'm the stupid one for following rules and obeying laws.
How does one reason with that?
Posts
6 comments:
I think the reality is that you can't reason with that. I think the problem for so many of our damaged children is that they are incapable of understanding logic or consequences.
so last night phone rings from a co-worker needing something for today... just that, just that caused 30 min meltdown over nothing; resulting in what any normal person would have called the police over (but me I know that really wouldn't help) and finally he calmed back down...
I guess I could get rid of phones... :)
but just wanted to say; I hear you
You cannot reason with that. It is unreasonable behavior by unreasonable individuals and we would make ourselves crazy trying. Maybe avoiding them would be the best solution, albeit a temporary one.
I see so little progress, even regression in a few of my teens that it's hard to have hope some days. I think, "Well, last Christmas so and so did this too so why am I surprised?" and then it hits me that I actually do expect them to outgrown certain behaviors and thinking processes and they haven't, maybe they never will. Holidays are supposed to be joyous and fun - things that won't happen as long as we surround ourselves with individuals who refuse to let it go, even for a few hours to be civilized to the law-abiding ones. I think I'm sick of accomodating everyone and still being blamed for every blasted thing they perceive is wrong.
FosterAbba - the REASON for the season keeps knocking about in my brain...
Anonymous - phones would be my first choice to go as well
Lisa - EXACTLY! I have another post brewing in my head about that, how my caseworker warned me carefully many, many years ago about this same issues that still frustrate me so terribly
FosterAbba mentions something that has been such an issue with me...learning that is...when she mention logic. I remember being struck on the head by lightening when a therapist says to me, "QUIT TRYING TO MAKE ___ LOGICAL! ___ WILL NEVER BE LOGICAL" It's a thought I never entertained before...never even knew existed. To not understand consequences?To not be able to put two and two together? Now, of course, I know better but what a moment. What a moment.
I think I've finally grasped that you can't reason with our children, that they don't understand consequences, and that their logic is based on defense mechanisms and learned behavior that are no longer useful, but that are now such a part of their thought processes that they can't get rid of them. I think I've grasped it... but there are days when I realize my expectations are not in alignment with that reality.
For me the hard part is watching others deal with my children who HAVEN'T and WON'T grasp it, and think I'm a horrible person for "giving up" on my children and "not allowing them to reach their potential" because I have grasped it.
I've been complaining about this for weeks. Guess it's time to blog about it.
Hugs,
Mary in TX
Post a Comment