Thursday, February 23, 2012

Dirt Trumps


Go to lunch at La Parilla with Yolie, Chuck, Marcela, Mae and Marissa or play in the dirt? Duh. Dirt wins.

Years ago I thought I'd absolutely lose my mind if I had to be inside on the first 75 degree day of the year. All sorts of electrons would race through my body, tempting me to call in sick, to not go to work. I'd rue the day I ever went to college, which I suspected was the main dumb reason I had an indoor job, I'd be so jealous of the school grounds maintenance men who got to stay outside and mow the grass. I'd practically slobber on the window while watching them work.

I'd turn back around to face the pretty teachers in my school with beautifully manicured hands, who would be oblivious to the rising temperatures outside, as if it had no connection to how they felt internally. Maybe it didn't. Maybe it was just me chomping at the bit. Maybe that's why my hands look elderly and work worn? Duh, Cindy.

At lunchtime back then, I'd go outside and walk the track, absorbing the sun, knowing I craved the Vitamin D, absolutely despising having to return inside and breathe canned air and everyone's carbon dioxide exhalations.

I was under very little stress back then, at least in comparison to the years that were ahead of me, when intense stress would nearly crush me. I then didn't know about Reiki, or earthing as subject matter. Even today I had to google Reiki, as I still didn't know what it was. I'm so dang elementary, basic or slow. Prayer and gardening work for me.

But earthing? Really? Love it. I've long read Dr. Mercola's seemingly quack ideas that've always made sense to me. I receive his daily emails, yet he was legitimatized, so to speak, by Dr. Oz. The Food Renegade blog has the interview that I watched early this morning while my house was very silent.

And why does Mercola seem odd? Why does bland, conventional wisdom hold so much sway when it leads to a majority rule of overweight, tired, desperate, stressed and depressed women?

Ladies, let's buck those odds. Feminism be derned, in that I don't see women having gotten very far ahead except maybe small steps in the work force. Instead I see women doing it all nowadays and men getting off too easy because women allow it.

I'm odd because I like being outside? Because I'm a super-energetic vegetarian who never drinks soda nor alcohol? Ya think there might be a connection? No chemicals and high energy? Because I hate shopping and consumerism? Why am I the odd one out? Shouldn't one be considered off-whack when they stroll the artificially lit indoor mall on a bright, warm afternoon? When they eat at the Food Court and absorb only starchy, greasy fats and zero nutrition? How did we get so lost along the way?

Lives of quiet desperation?

Karel Vrendenburg's podcast with Marie-Josee Salvas Shaar. yesterday on food rest, mood and exercise made so much sense I nearly stood up and shouted. I'm very thankful to have had parents who instilled all this in me all my life. I might feel guilty inwardly somewhat for not aerobically exercising systematically - no pilates, jogging, zumba, nor yoga not even regular hikes - but hey, turning over a garden bed, that's several hundred square feet and I have 30-40 of those beds, is a work-out certainly.

Like you, wellness expert and author Marie-Josée Shaar has seen enough contradictory self-help advice to make her head spin. But her trained eye won’t be fooled. Over the last 12 years of coaching, teaching, speaking, researching and testing smart health habits, MJ has helped hundreds of individuals go from overwhelmed to overjoyed with their lifestyle.

A Master of Applied Positive Psychology, she has worked with the best and brightest in motivating and sustaining a positive attitude. Also certified as a Personal Trainer and as a Nutrition and Wellness Consultant, MJ blends various sciences to create an “uncommon-sense” path to everyday fitness, wellness, and mindfulness.


Why wouldn't I listen to folks trying to build others up?

"If you vomit, you vacate," Nurse Faye at the high school called me to come get Chuy yesterday around 11. He wanted to stay at school, if only to continue flirting, but school policy sent him home.

"Faye, I'm muddy," I wailed to her. It'd take too long to clean me up presentably, so she signed him out for me, much to his relief as he knew I'd clamber in all mudy with my garden hat on. He jumped in my truck with visible gratitude.

Now JoJo has the virus, along with a blazing fever, so I kept him home. We're made of pretty strong stock, all of us, so this is fairly rare overall. I almost never get sick.

That said, the orthopedic doctor called me, "Sabrina's MRI indicates a small tear." We agreed upon the surgery in March due to his scheduling conflicts.

Today it's gonna be super warm and I'll have to drive to Dr. Mandy's office just when I'm getting involved outside. For a minute I was tempted to cancel. But, as I've told her, just because kids are not acting out at the moment doesn't mean they don't still need to see a therapist.

My Camellia bushes are in beautiful bloom mode, my roses are budding, the cole crops are peeking through the soil, and the birds are singing. I open doors and windows with pure T glee. I'm gonna kick off my flips flops and dig my toes into the grass, I'm gonna breathe deeply and properly, trying to get myself back to my original condition. I won't be young again, but I will be balanced properly, happy and serene, healing and strong, not emotionally battered, not physically bullied, not scrambling to put out fires, and protect potential victims against irrational odds.

Everyone is so much more light-hearted here lately. This spate of Driver's Ed, learner's permits, so many teenagers here now that are not being controlled every single minute by the threats of temper dysregulation of others, well it has contributed to a lot of happy-go-lucky, joke telling and silliness.

How do I feel nowadays when others begin their adoption journey and ask my advice? I just don't know. I generally don't give advice, no matter how many emails I receive, I think everyone needs to go with their own gut, follow their own heart, and make their own decsions. And not blame me later for advising either way.

I remain borderline upset that families take such beatings, that they get slapped down instead of being helped. That they will be treated so badly. But there are so many really wonderful children out there who need to be adopted so I remain very conflicted. I'd never adopt again, my heart wouldn't be in it anymore, but I've done what i was called to do, and I'm still doing it.

I would not encourage my own children to adopt, especially if they have birth children already. I know how they'd then be treated and it wouldn't be pretty. The parents also would be accused of favoritism for simply responding to the decent behavior.

I told a kid not to turn on the dryer - long story, unnecessary as it was simply a control issue, yet he did it anyway - Mr P, the one who will never make eye contact and will defy just to defy. I could've made a big deal about his incredible lack of obedience, as in how important it is in life to obey laws, rules, policies and procedures, but all he hears is yada yada yada, unable to make the connections in his mind regarding natural consequences. I've worked on this with him for 12 years now. Do you really want to be one of the ones I'll never be able to trust?

It will not be pretty for him in the real world until he learns this, but he may not be able to...

It is not worth loosing my heath to raise my blood pressure barking at the moon.

Deep deep sigh, I don't feel like rehashing, I wanna go outisde and play.

And my two ODD darlings who never dress appropriately for the weather? Wearing jackets now, but not when it was cold? I still love 'em both.

3 comments:

Melissa said...

Reading your blog has made such an impact on me (I always learn something!!), and I lovelovelove all the photos you post. Gorgeous kids!

Too bad you don't teach parenting classes :)

Mama Sarah said...

I understand about not giving advice. I too tell people to search their hearts and think about it. I also tell them that everyone breaks when parenting this kind of child, the difference is in how you respond and what you decide to make of it. I became a different person because of my son. I like to think I became more human.

Someone asked me recently if I would do it again. It just happened to be a day when I was tired of it being an extra effort week. I first thought no, I wouldn’t do it again. It was so hard. It takes so much. I’d rather go to the gym than sit in yet another school meeting. I’d rather read one of my favorite ancient Greek authors than push reading with long “o” and long “i”. Then I look at my son and I see the dramatic difference I have made in his life. A child lost was saved. A child thrown away has a place in the world now. I gave a human being a chance. He can do with it what he will. I hope for the best of course but I will live with the rest.

I do believe that my son hardened my position about adoption. Yet, I cannot say I would persuade anyone to my position because it is simply the one I believe I am meant to take. I would be reluctant to try and persuade anyone to the path because it takes such a personal expenditure of strength and dedication. It also requires the destruction of your prior life to some extent. I also hope that my children would think twice about making such a choice. But then I remember how wonder Alex was with traumatized foster children in my home. He literally helped them heal before my eyes. His trauma gave him such empathy for other children so I don’t know. The choice would be his.

I wish I was out planting in the yard. It is still too rainy and cold here. I do have seedling starts everywhere throughout house as I long for Spring.

Cindy said...

Melissa - thanks, but...I'm still learning the ropes. Seriously.

Mama Sarah - I worry that I became less human after having been treated so badly for so long by so many. Thank God for plant therapy