Thursday, February 02, 2012

Duck Face


Blowing $35 dollars a week? That's my point. $35 X 52 weeks equals $1820 annually, which mounts up to $18,200 in ten short years, which is, or could be a significant chunk of change to put down on a house. This is one of the main concepts I've tried to teach my children, how it all adds up.

Chump change, they might say derisively, again thinking I'm just old school and don't know what OG stands for.

"Organic Gardening?" I'd once guessed, not having a clue they were then talking about an original gangster.

"We live down a dirt road and keep chickens," I'd retorted, "What do any of us know about gangsters?"

He's in prison now, that one, totally enamored with a life of crime. His dots don't connect, his reasoning skills are more than just suspect, they are non-existent, and I find it very sad.

I hate crime. Not the criminal, just the crimes. I hate it. The natural consequences are enormous, the associates are untrustworthy, who the heck thinks this is cool? Being square should be appealing, how is it not so? Who doesn't want a roof over their heads and food in the fridge? Who wants to be a drunk? I just don't get it at all.

But if I can't even get them to remember to toss paper in the recycling bin, instead of the trash can, how can I get all these higher order thought processes embedded in their minds? Impulsivity is my, and their, enemy. Combine that with genetic predispositions and we have a steaming cauldron of issues.

It's not everyone, thankfully, but in those that have this aspect so prevalent, it's nothing short of heart breaking for me. How much more so deep down inside for them?

That's what I liked so much about Claudia's post, I've learned to not be so judgemental, I don't know the back story, I don't know the desperation, or the inner mis-firing of one's neurons.

So, what's the answer? I just don't know.

I've been unable to stop the ugly mumblings when one's behavior is corrected. How's that gonna play out if, and when, they have an employer telling them what to do?

"You don't know everything," they'll tell me.

Really? I may not know everything, but I know the basics. If you steal you will go to jail, if you don't do what the boss says, you will be fired.

"You're yelling at me!" someone will then wail. I'd not raised my voice one iota. I was speaking quietly, but the very words they didn't wanna hear seemed way too loud for them.

OK, tell me how that works out for you. Tired of the constant arguing, the fact that the simple things are not penetrating one's mind, I disengage. I have to do so. They will not stop if I don't. It would escalate into a call the cops moment.

Claudia had also spoken about the need for relationship building, instead of behavior correction, as that just won't sink in, it'll be misinterpreted as the kid simply thinking the parent doesn't like them, rather than the parents not liking a specific negative behavior.

It took me a very long time to comprehend this concept. It is not logical. But it is the way that it is, deal with it, Cindy.

Dr. Mandy has taught me if I use that jail example in regards to stealing, all they hear is that mom thinks I'm going to jail. They don't hear my concern nor understand my attempts to change negative behaviors. I have to choose to word my sentences very carefully. I'm thankful that I've learned this in parenting traumatized children.

Again we had extra folks for dinner, getting off the school bus, trudging home with my kids, dragging book bags, pigging out, and heading to Wednesday night youth group with us.

When The One Who Must Control Everything was still here, we were not allowed to have company, nor to ever laugh aloud, which would risk an attack justified by, "She's laughing at me," which was never the case. We would've been too afraid to have done so. Duh.

I'd spent five almost uninterrupted hours getting some garden beds ready for summer. Folks in Georgia have to plant root crops early to beat the heat. We have a small window of opportunity available for that job.

"Mom?" JoJo questioned me, as if some other strange woman would answer the cell phone in my own pocket?

Launching in to, "I was messing with some kid's Crystal Lite packet and got some up my nose. Do you have any medicine at home to fix that?"

"JoJo," I paused for effect, "Do you really think that there is some medicine for kids who put Crystal Lite up their noses? Like I should just go ask the pharmacist for such a thing? You shouldn't have been messing with someone's nasty chemical drink mix."

"Good point," he chuckled. He of less than zero impulse control and an overwhelming need to to make folks laugh.

The school nurse, also at a loss for this instance, had suggested he call his mama about this ridiculous incident, knowing I deal with stuff like this all the time.

I'm just glad I get dumb calls like that, rather than any involvement in the drug incident our high school was dealing with the other day. Yes, I get that JoJo was mimicking a drug act. I sincerely hope he learned his lesson. I'm hopeful, not confident.

Below is a picture of how Sabrina and Mayra pose when I'm not there, the other pose was here at home. Hmmm, a bit of a difference, isn't it? Why do beautiful girls make duck faces? Am I just too elderly for this generation? I may be old, but I can outwork any 20 year old.

8 comments:

Melissa said...

Cindy, don't feel bad. I was in my 20's before I understood "OG", and though almost 30, I still don't get the duck face thing.

However, the $35 savings part is really a motivation for me!

Anonymous said...

I have been reading some of your posts and I can understand how uplifting it must be to not have someone so controlling in your home. How long has it been since you've had the out of home placement?

I am also a foster/adoptive mom, and have found your blog helpful. Thank you for sharing about your life.

Hope Harder said...

Love the part about his dots not connecting. So true with these kids. It seems like they cannot see how their behaviours effect what happens in their life. Because of that they continue to make the same "mistakes" and wonder why the same thing keeps happening. Somehow cause and effect does not seem to register with them.

Hopewell said...

"I hate crime. Not the criminal, just the crimes. I hate it. The natural consequences are enormous, the associates are untrustworthy, who the heck thinks this is cool? Being square should be appealing, how is it not so? Who doesn't want a roof over their heads and food in the fridge? Who wants to be a drunk? I just don't get it at all."

This is what I go over all the time. I DO wonder just WHAT he saw and was taught with his birth mother. I know what he's told me, but there's got to be more he can't recall but has absorbed.

"Stop yelling at me" is something my daughter says day in and day out. I tell her that just because I don't use a sweety-sweety "oh please do it" public school teacher voice doesn't mean I'm yelling. She's trying to be her brother at school--all Ds and I won't have it. But when we talk it's just 'stop yelling' at me!!!!

Katie said...

How can you all be so good-looking? Even with "duck face", heehee. Seriously... maybe it's all that fresh food and country living! :)

Katie said...

p.s. Jojo maybe needs a Neti pot if he's going to continue getting Crystal Light up his nose.

Cindy said...

Melissa - at least I can influence someone about the $35...

Anonymous - it's been several months now and I'm still trying to recover. It was brutal for many, many years and I'm a right strong old lady.

Hope - Believe it or not, now with my 20 year old, he is starting to connect the dots. I find it encouraging a little bit, I just hope and pray he can maintain.

Cindy said...

Hopewell - and I don't know what to do to change this perception of yelling. Just because they don't like what I'm saying doesn't mean I am yelling. I'm at a loss about it.

Katie - I DO have a great looking bunch of kids. I didn't even see a photo of several sib groups before they joined our family. I was just then more concerned with reading about all the issues. Thank you. JoJo needs more than a neti pot. Just saying.