Thursday, April 05, 2012

Aren't I A Human Being?

Emotional bankruptcy comes quickly. And it is a hard, cold and lonely place to be. Then we beat ourselves up because we feel like we have failed, yet again. Ending this cycle is incredibly difficult.

One of the most giving, positive, loving (yet traumatized by raising trauamatized children) women that I know wrote those words and more in her post yesterday.

The rest of her post described my feelings today accurately.

Another demoralizing blow, another kick in the teeth, another let's see how much crap we can pour out upon one ole lady moment, and I've found myself crying in abject frustration in the Lowe's parking lot, undetected behind my sunglasses when the nice guy didn't have the lawnmower part I needed. My eyes just started leaking, I thanked him for his efforts and I dissipated, already stressed over something else totally unrelated to mowing.

I walked away and cried outside, all this work, all these hassles, all the stress that'd kill a buffalo.

My kids didn't dump on me yesterday, someone/something else did, and I gotta go deal with it so highly irritated and aggravated that I don't think I can blog without cussing, so I best put down the computer and pick up a paintbrush to vent my high level tension.

A former pastor was texting me out of the blue last night with comforting words I needed to hear, he was totally unaware of my current issue, apparently he just knew I needed to be encouraged. I love him for that.

I'll get over this crap, I always do. I just need to work my way through it in order to function properly.