Monday, May 07, 2012

Bo-RING, And So Very Happily So

My phone is top heavy on the weather apps, and not a one of them yesterday gave me any comfort.  West of Atlanta had a deluge, we had nothing, but the blazing sun desiccating my plants.  It's fairly depressing.

Maybe it's me, maybe I'm trying too hard?  Maybe I'm jinxing the skies?

So bone dry again the grass crackles underfoot as I pace my property overly anxious for rain.

A 40% chance today, we'll see.

Again I was thinking about the reality series offers that get emailed to me, "Call me!" they'll gaily exclaim.

I'm flattered that anyone thinks we're interesting enough, but honestly...who wants to watch a goofy woman weed for hours?  Is her laundry pile compelling?  There's no drama here, little action, what we now have is just a bunch of children who've grown into teenagers.  A fairly normal bunch who've experienced deep trauma, who crave the peaceful existence we now live in, the better in which to heal and to get their water wings, their bearings, before moving on someday into apartments and jobs.

Who wants to watch me stir pots of beans or haul wood chips to garden beds?  Who wants to watch me grumble at the grocery store, to hear my complaints about having to go anywhere?  Who wants to watch me wander around out here thinking?


Anyone wanna watch an old bat read books?  Or me watching soccer games?  How fun to observe houseplant watering!  Sarcastic exclamation explanation directed at Sarah.

Move on folks, there's nothing here to see.

Right now, as I type, kids are interrupting me to sign stuff or to discuss, answer or figure out the schedule today.  I hear JoJo singing in the laundry room, Martin's probably still in bed, jumping up at the last minute, Lily's putting on makeup that I don't think a pretty girl needs, I made Nando change into another shirt for school, and Jack's petting Shatter.


And I absolutely love it.  I crave this peace, this stability, this lack of drama.  My family has an added bonus nowadays, a layer of sweetness as we're not desperately trying to keep everyone safe from attacks, the way we lived for too long at one time.

My faltering heart no longer pounds in fear, I smile and hug my children happily.  Hugging anyone used to mean that one particular one would erupt in anger.  Hugging her was equally as dangerous.  Either way, it meant someone was gonna get hurt by her.  Who lives like that?

I aspire to boring, the pinnacle of where I wanna be.  Wanna watch me tie my work shoes?  The ones that busted open, but don't need hot glue as that flapping piece conveniently fell off.  I'm dull, I'm boring, I'm no fun, and that gives me a great deal of inner peace.

Housebreaking a Chihuahua Cat, my daily goal, it's enough for me.  That, and inhaling the scent from six gloriously blooming gardenia bushes, is what makes me smile. Or what about pigging out on dessert?

Sarah blogged the out-of-this-world deep chocolate raspberry torte recipe.