“We have bookshelves full of these books — ‘The Defiant Child’, ‘The Explosive Child,’ ” she told me. “All these books with different strategies, and we try them, and sometimes they seem to work for a few days, but then it goes right back to how it was.” A former elementary-school teacher with a degree in child psychology, Anne admitted feeling frustrated despite her training.
Oh come on, really? You think this is gonna be a Queen Mother for a Day syrupy post?
Anyone remember where I live?
In church this morning I saw some distraught mothers. Even in intact birth families today sucks for some folks, those who've lost their mothers, those who wish they were mothers, those who wish they weren't, or what about moms who've lost a child?
I thought about Lauren, my niece, Beth, Matt and Abby. I thought about Cindy Adams' large family still trying to learn to live without her, or the Carson children. I thought about four of my friends from when I was a baby in the church nursery, now navigating without their moms - specifically Alison, Joni, Toni and Nancy. I knew their moms for 50 plus years.
I thought about how blessed I am to still have a mother living. I'm extraordinarily blessed in this regard, she's pictured here with Jack.
"A large amount of kids from my childhood have lost their moms," Sarah told me, responding to my 'how can that be?' look of confusion, explaining that most moms back then were older than I was. 19 years between us isn't a lot. She'll be 40 before I hit 60.
"If something happened to you, I'd be sad everyday but Mother's Day, knowing that's the one day you'd just as soon not be around for," she went on.
Yolie'd sent me this long New York Times article about severe childhood mental illness. What stood out to me was that finally there was some acknowledgement, some recognition of the very real happening, but also the level of manipulation that I've seen was brilliantly described.
I read the article slowly, twice actually, thinking how so many aspects of it fit various children of mine, yet it was off base at times, but then again it clearly explained how difficult it is to exactly label someone, as the behaviors are all over the place, often off the charts.
I believe all caseworkers, teachers, law enforcement, and parents of troubled children need to read this in its entirety.
Those of us who've lived with irrational rages, blind hate-filled physical attacks and lies, thefts and assaults already understand the bottom line which is they're heck bent on hurting someone, as if it then gives them the emotional release they'd been seeking. It is SCARY.
And still there are no answers.
But how could there be?
The experts are stumped, parents are ridiculously blamed, law enforcement is stymied, the court system is teeming, the genetic component is alarming, and there are no answers. None.
I spoke a long time on the phone yesterday with a grown son who's smart enough to be seeking treatment for trauma and depression, but is getting blown off by a psychiatrist who wants to staple a sign on his shirt regarding anxiety, completely dismissing the trauma. As if? As if this grown man doesn't have reams of paperwork documenting traumatic events?
Conversely another son, a very level-headed one suggested I contact Otter Box's Research and Development Team, offer myself up as the Samsonite gorilla, since even an Otter Box has been decimated by me as I careen through life. I now feel like an idiot impostor with the pink one Sabrina gave me as if I'm a girl or something. I look stupid in anything other than black.
Two more sons lost their tournament games, one son continues on with his U12 team into next week. Three sons managed to miss church accidentally on purpose this morning, a stick it to Mom on Mother's Day moment, not knowing I'm waaaaaay past needing any sort of validation from anyone.
It's raining to beat the band, thank you Lord (and Yolie for bragging she'd brought me the rain on Mother's Day). I believe I'll just sit my opinionated butt right here eating some dark chocolate date nut balls that Sarah made for me, and watch the Braves beat the Cardinals.