How Will We Help The Kids As A Society?

Tony messaged me the above photo, getting his own self in trouble for being on the roof.  Dude, really?  This was during yesterday's Shoot Out game, a long-running made up strategy game they've been playing for years.

Growing one's own vegetables organically, knowing that a hundred nose-picking folks have not handled one's produce, that it wasn't shipped 1500 miles to arrive at my table, well there's no need to peel the zucchini nor the cucumbers.  Lecithin, a much needed dietary requirement, is found between the peel and the veggie itself, it's removed in commercial processing, leaving folks running to the vitamin store to get what they should be getting from their food.

I chopped the homegrown squash, zucchini, basil, garlic and onions, desiicated some oregano I'd dried last year, added a healthy dose of my Fire Hot Pepper Sauce and dumped it over whole wheat pasta, dashing sea salt, black oilves, and olive oil while pining dramatically for my first fresh tomato that I've not eaten yet this season.

Every one of my kids swooned at supper, so delicious was this, not a morsel left over, and while I went outside in our brief bout of very little humidity to spread the huge sacks of fermenting grass clippings I'd pick up curbside in town, all the kids shed their coolness cloaks and played their long-running game of Shoot Out, making the dogs stay inside because their rambunctiousness always gives away hiding places.

The grass clippings had begun intensely decomposing and were blazingly hot to the touch, so much so, that I used the garden hose to cool 'em down enough to add to the wood chips, seriously who wants a spontaneous combustion event in the Tithonia bed?  Not me, these Mexican sunflowers attract more than their fair share of hummingbirds and butterflies.

I'd gotten Allen's work permit done, been to Dr. Mandy's where she reminded me that my snarky teenager was only being so because she's a teenager, not because of any other behavior issues.  It's not the snarkines that I object to, it's the lack of honesty, knowing that adulthood requires at least that much of a successful human being.

I sat there scratching my latest bout of poison ivy, thinking about the wiseness I always receive from these sessions.

I'm blessed in this regard, that Dr. Mandy totally comprehends and has a way about her that intrigues me, her understanding, her very translation of the behaviors has educated me so much.  That she knows my kids so well is a huge plus, that they adore her enough to confide in her has been a benefit certainly.

I'm going to close with an email from a reader, Mama Sarah.  I'm adding this here because it echoes what so may of you have written to me about, how terribly mistreated we are by those who should be helping us.

I'd wager that so many huge-hearted, naive, sweet middle class mamas wanting to share our blessing with others end up being shocked at the accusatory manner in which we are later treated, as if our intentions are suspect, or in their own CYA moment, they project their own insecurities or fears of not measuring up to their own potential onto us, or what the heck?

In his book, The Man Who Quit Money, he found himself stunned at the vitriol spewed out upon him in response.  He who does not use welfare, food stamps or any social services was verbally attacked because he uses the public library to maintain a website.  A tax supported agency when he pays no taxes because he has no income.

What troll spends all their time looking to criticize those who are trying to make the world a better place?  Why are their haters everywhere?  Does The Man Who Quit Money make a troll inadvertently feel self-conscious about their own over consumption of materials?

I found the man to be inspiring, to make me examine my own consumption habits, I was not emotionally threatened by what he does.  I feel admiration, not a need to lash out and attack the guy.

Here's Mama Sarah's take on one of the many, many heart-breaking issues that you will face as a foster or adoptive parent:

I do not know what happened but I can share that when I sought help from my state system for an adoptive placement harming a child in my home, I was blacklisted. 

For making that call for help, I was blacklisted. For pleading for help to have this child removed for the safety of others, I was blacklisted. 

That state-placed child seriously harmed another and the social workers retaliated against me. 

The supervisors of the social workers even told me they would retaliate and they did. Just like they said they would.

When talking to them did not work I filed a complaint with my Governor's office, that office stalled me for over six months and now tell me all files have been lost. 

Worse, the local level sent me a letter telling me that I had never even applied to adopt through the state system much less been certified to foster. 

I guess the dozen kids in my home were a mirage. 

I am an awesome adoptive mom and I was an amazing foster mom. I took in kids that had threatened men with large knives and sucessfully helped them. I took in a baby that had been sexaully abused before being nine months old. I took in toddlers that were covered in staff infection after being abandoned in a van for days. Those kids told me their parents would sell all their clothing and stuff when they were returned and they did. 

All the files, now lost would confirm that. 

I sent my Governor's office what I had - awards, acknowledgments of my exemplary service, the letters of thank you from the social workers, certifications, etc. Still nothing is being done. As of last week they tell me there is no file on me as a parent.

I am not sure what the problem is, but it does not support or help adoptive parents regardless of situation. 

My heart weeps for the kids needing homes. My heart weeps for those of us that try to be there for them.

Ultimately, my heart weeps for the retaliatory actions committed against adoptive parents when they tell the truth - some kids need something different that placement in a normal home with a loving family who has a strong support system. 

As I often say, my son has hardened my position about adoption. I should also say the state agency has taught me that there is no good way to help a child in the domestic adoptive system. 

Even the best parents are abused and thrown away for these kids for no good reason. It breaks my heart. 

You totally do not need to publish this - I just wanted to say I understand what you may be going through. 

And you are right, I personally no longer recommend domestic adoption to anyone. No matter what.