Uncaringly Apathetic

Shaking off my hurt and anger, our Wednesday night church services totally, and yet again, hit my proverbial nail on its stereotypical head, an ouch, and an I can do better than this, being so pissed off at the world in general only hurts my own self.

So I channel my fury into being a weeding machine, kept weeding until I thought my back would split off from my spine.  I lean over and claw my way through it all.  Again a rash of poison ivy creeping up one arm.

A pretty black woman, who works where I get groceries, told me indignantly, "It's all these Mexicans causing the problems here."

In that split second she remembered my family is totally Mexican and she cracked up laughing, apologizing because her words, on the surface, sounded mean.  But I know her heart, she was just frustrated over a language barrier, I wasn't offended, nor were three of my sons standing there.

CW and I'd overheard the exchange, for a minute I'd thought about offering to translate as both women were correct, but couldn't understand each other, but I didn't have a dog in that fight, and just didn't feel like getting involved.

Call me apathetic, who cares?

It takes a lot more than that to rile me up...which reminds me of what all that's happened that so pisses me off.

(Mama Sarah - I wanna publish your last email in a blog post please, OK?)

Judging from y'all's emails or comments over the years, these aren't isolated instances.  Dang if we're not punched in the face repeatedly for even trying to help children.

Thursdays are my Dr Mandy days, days in which she helps me, and the children, make sense of everything.  Thank God.  The older I get, the less I know about anything at all.

I don't have much to say this morning, still trying to process, to comprehend, to continue moving forward, still agitated and aggravated - not at the kids at all, but at the system and at our society that just doesn't understand much overall.

This is why I prefer the solitude of my gardens, or the company of my hens and my sweet dogs.  I pray that I'm modeling proper coping techniques for my children as everyone on earth will face too much stress, or unwarranted criticism, or just plain meanness in this world.

It's a good thing I don't reach for a glass of wine to dull the pain.  That weeding works for me makes me inordinately happy.

Super fertile soil can germinate a weed seed overnight, seemingly sending shoots up six feet in the air.  I've already used up three truckloads of wood chips in three months.

Being the mother to 21 sons has given me an odd sense of humor, although my brothers would say I've always been like this.  This IFunny cartoon sent me into gales of laughter especially as we left the church parking lot last night.  Allen was driving and JoJo was acting up in his hilariously gassy manner.