Sunday, June 09, 2013
That's NOT Helping
When you help someone to avoid the consequences of their actions, you are denying them the opportunity to learn that their behavior is inappropriate. Photo Credit
Sometimes I just stare at folks, seriously I do. What makes 'em tick? Are they happy? What is happy? Am I happy?
Where is the path to happiness? There is no path to happiness, the path is happiness.
Maybe Buddhist, maybe something I saw on Facebook, maybe both, but I agree.
We will never get to our destination, it's fun to aim towards one, but getting there to the pinnacle? Not always what it's cracked up to be, as those who've found fame and riches soon discover, creating an, 'is that all there is?' maelstrom thought process.
When folks have all the money they think they need, they still find inner dissatisfaction or restlessness, looking for another issue to conquer, or battle to fight.
"I thought I'd be happy when____________happened." Surprised that they then don't.
I am happy right now that we are all safe and the likelihood of harm is very slim. I am happy that my bills are paid and that I don't have to go to a 9-5 each day, trading my time for money that wouldn't necessarily fulfill me at all. I'd rather weed. I am happy that we have a wonderful church, a great community, a sweltering climate, lovely gardens, and healthy kids.
I am happy that I've found what I like to do, and that it is all very satisfying.
And you knew there was a but coming.
But I wish some of my kids would make better choices.
Yes, I have friends with birth children who've been equally as dismayed. It is my loud Baby Boomer Generation that rebelled over everything, yet most of us went on to jump through hoops to pay our mortgages and raise our kids properly.
Yet I've watched an entire next generation amass debt, eat crap, know nothing about any skills, mooch off of people, spend years at a time chronically unemployed, depend heavily on drugs and alcohol - and these aren't necessarily my kids I'm talking about at all.
I'm kinda dismayed overall, yet all of my grown kids that were with me yesterday at any time - Daniel, Yolie, Sarah, and Marcela - all own their own houses and that makes me very proud. I don't demand that my other grown kids own houses, those that are properly paying their rent make me proud too. It's the moochers that repel me. Those that think they can couch surf, eat other people's food, tell lying sob stories, and suck up free utilities without any thought of helping out financially, well they're the ones that I not proud of at all.
Only your mama is supposed to feed you. If you're out of high school then go get a job and pay your own bills if you do not still live at home with me. Otherwise you are costing people money that they need for their own families, that's like stealing.
My Martin is 19, but still has another semester in high school. As long as he behaves, which he does, he can stay here his whole life for free, but I'd never let any of his friends do this at my house. I ain't their mama. I would not enable another person's kid, yet some have done so regarding my less than honest kids.
Many years ago this happened with a grown kid fighting alcoholism. He stayed with another family, he himself then was a young adult, but that other family all drank a lot. A great deal. So much so that several deputies told me, but what could I do as he was a grown man. Many years later, one of them in that other family, now in their early 60s, was arrested again for drunken driving. That's the kind of situation that my kids will gravitate towards - the complete opposite of my own goody two shoes annoying self.
I get y'all's emails, I know this happens to you too, and that you're as shocked as I am. Who does that? Then the kids get mad at us. For what? Dog if I know, but I'll go to my grave someday satisfied that I didn't enable that kid to consume alcohol. He's now been seeking treatment for years, I will help him to do that. I have been helping him do so, I'm proud of him for this choice to seek help.